A New Day

Ok... so if anyone who reads this might know, my ex made it very difficult for me to move on. I have been carrying around this for many years now and have felt the weight every step of the way.... until now!

The other day, I realized why I went through that; It was to help someone else. A neighbor (the first person I met in my condo building) came in and I could sense that something was wrong. She started to tell me a tale of verbal and physical abuse and all flashed back to me. All I could do was to hold her, tell her to cry it out and to share my story.

After sending her back to her condo with the relief that she was not the only one out there in this situation, I went for the longest walk of my life. I cried.... but this time it was not tears of sadness.... but tears of joy that a weight had been lifted from so many years of heart break and loneliness... It is gone. A new day has come along and I can finally breathe again. I just felt everything lift and I can truly see why I went through this... to help someone else. And that is more important to me than anything I can ever imagine!

There is no quote for the day - just a song recommended from a co-worker:

Joshua Radin - "Brand New Day" ( I think you should listen to it!)

P S...

P S I Love You..... so this movie makes me cry every single time I watch it and I tend to watch it when I am feeling down.... NOT GOOD!

Last night I was a little blue (and no... not because of the election) and decided to put it on... BIG MISTAKE! I always makes me reflect on love, life and friends. And I cannot help to think will I ever be truly happy in love, life and friends? Don't get me wrong, I know I have the most wonderful group of friends, a great life... but the other... it just never seems to work for me.

I know what you are thinking.... boo hoo.... poor Jerry... But it crosses my mind all the time these days. I want the great love affair where if my partner dies, will plan ahead to make me remember our love but to also help me move on.

It seems like everyone around me gets what I want and feel like I deserve. I see everyone in wonderful relationships... both new and old... and think "When will it ever be my turn?"

We will just have to wait and see....

Quote for the Day: Gerry Kennedy: Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you!

What Is Image?

Ok... so here I go again...
Why do we look at image so much? What makes us feel like we need to look a certain way, act a certain way, or just have the body of a Greek God?

I have no clue... I will never be the guy in the magazine ad and really... have no desire to be. But when faced with meeting someone who looks that part, why do I shy away? I mean, if you get to know... the real me... you will love me! LOL (conceited... I know)

It just seems to me that the world puts too much emphasis on the ideal look. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate a good looking person, but they are not the only ones who catch my eye. But when approached by someone who looks the part, I have to say... I feel very intimidated and tend to become more shy than ever. THEN my mind reels on why is this person looking at me?

Well I finally got the guts to ask... thanks to a quick Im session with a co-worker. And you know what... no answer could be given. AND the issue was skirted around. So I have to wonder... what makes us tick when it comes to attraction?

I guess the answers lie deep within each of us but - being the questioning mind that I am - I just need to know. Logic wins over flattery... Right over wrong... Good over evil... I just have to know.

I know that this seems a little petty and kind of stupid, but it plagues me right now. And the more I want to know... the more I push the person away. Yep... happens all the time. I just have to say... "Thanks D... you screwed up my life and I will never get over it!"

Quote of the Day: " It is beauty that captures your attention; personality which captures your heart."

The Faces I See

Ever wondered why so many people turn their heads at the poor and homeless? I have often caught myself looking the other way, crossing the street or even - and God help me - thinking "Why don't you just go out and get a job? McDonald's is always hiring..."

Well, then I try to stop myself and think what got them to this point. Did they just decide to give up? Did someone just crush their dreams and they could never recover? Or is it they just don't care? One has to wonder how someone can live a life of pure unattachment from society at large.

Then I start to think... what would I do if I just decided to chuck it all, sell everything and just be? (And I know what you are thinking... Jerry without his bags and shoes???) It often crosses my mind and sometimes feels like a freeing opportunity... No responsibilities, no bills, no restraints, not a care except where to lay your head and where to find food.

I just get curious about these things as I pass people on the street everyday. My heart goes out to them and wishes them well... but I can't help to think... "What kind of life could that be?"

Quote for the Day: "We think sometimes that poverty is only being hungry, naked and homeless. The poverty of being unwanted, unloved and uncared for is the greatest poverty. We must start in our own homes to remedy this kind of poverty. " - Mother Teresa

You Can Stop Now

Ok... So I went to the cocktail reception for the opening of ballet season on Friday. And as to not to have to go alone, I asked someone (a friend of a friend) if they wanted to accompany me. Now, this was not an open invitation to a date... just more like "Hey, I'm going... If you have nothing to do, you are welcome to come" kind of thing. Now does that give you the green light to let your hands go everywhere? I think not... but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was sending out those signals... WHO KNOWS! But a simple "You can stop that now" should have been a clue to stop.... Ya Think?!?!?

Anyway, so I am just over dating. I have been dating forever it seems and I think it needs to come to a stop....

Another instance, is that I met someone for cocktails after a work thing the other day. Again... hands everywhere with no invitation. Do I seem to scream "D E S P A R A T E" ? Cause I'm not... trust me!

Let it be known that I will go out again until I consider it a date. Maybe that is my strategy from now on...

Quote Of The Day: Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again. -- Susan Healy

Funk

Ok.... so for the past week I have just been in a funk. Why? I really have no clue. Maybe we are getting to that time of year where being introverted (and yes... I really am), is not a good thing. I guess when it starts to get colder you just want someone around. I don't mean as a partner... well.... not yet.... but just a great friend to hang out with at a moment's notice.

Anyway... I have just been in a mood as I describe "the Funk" which feels like a mixture of being content, being a smidge lonely, seeing my friends find boyfriends, and a little bit of wanting to throw up.

I guess it is normal for a lot of people during this time of year... but not normally for me. I am loving the fact that I don't sweat while walking to work, that the gray sky really does look beautiful to me, and that the idea of snow coming is the most wonderful thing in the world.

So again... WHY???

I really am introverted....

To a lot of people, I seem very extroverted... This is due to the fact that I work in a profession where you are always making everyone happy, always networking and being a face for a company toward clients. So with that said, it is very hard for me to make friends.

Herschel pointed out to me that I do tend to be a wall-flower when we go out. I didn't want to hear it... but I know it's true. I guess I just don't have the drive, desire or courage to randomly go up to someone and start a conversation.

In other cities I have lived in, I have always had a very close group of friends that I could go out, meet people and make new friends with. Personally, I just don't see the need or the point of going out alone. If no one talks with you, then you feel bad the rest of the week.

I don't know... I guess I need to change these things about myself if I want to develop a strong group of friends here. Don't get me wrong, I have my girls... and I do love them all... but they all live in Arlington and are dating machines... So I rarely get to see them.

Anyway.... thought for the day:

"You are master of the unspoken word, but once it is uttered, it becomes master of you." - Unknown